Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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