Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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