I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
