the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
