i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
