He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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