she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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