My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
