If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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