he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
