I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
