he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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