Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They took my balls.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
