Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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