I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
