I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
