you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You took a bar mat shot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
