I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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