sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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