Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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