your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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