i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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