Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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