I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
