hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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