I got her a Nickelback box set.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
