this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
