Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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