i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
