It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
