Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
