I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
