I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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