Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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