awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
