ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
