I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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