She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
