I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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