Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
