fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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