sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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