I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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