your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
