Your face is a jimmy john
I puked a lego.
I can text with my tongue
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize