We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just found a bag of teeth...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
