he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
