My nipple is on Facebook.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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