sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
