Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Farmville is her only friend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I love you.
Bad choice
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
