after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
