My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
