Betty ford says i'm here all night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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