is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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