Quick, to the slutcave!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
