i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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