I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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