i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
