I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
