and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
