no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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