You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
