i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this will be a night to untag.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
