Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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