I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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