I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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