What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
