Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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