Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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