His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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