hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
