i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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