laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
