I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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