So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
