tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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