I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
